All. The. Emotions.
Y’all are going to have to wait for Teddy’s build story.
Emotions… I am having ALL the emotions.
I am terrified. I am excited. I am sad. I am happy. I am stressed.
I want to do this. I have wanted to do this for years. I have researched and planned. I have organized and made list after list after list. I have watched countless hours of YouTube videos, and not just the happy #vanlife videos. I have researched products for my build. Solar generators, window covers, refrigerators, hotspots, internet options, tables, tires. You name it and I’ve probably watched a video on it. I did my entire build from researching on YouTube videos.
I know this is what I want and it’s still so hard to break from the “norm”. I have a good job that pays well and has pretty good benefits. I have a cute little house and a great circle of friends and family. Why would I leave all that? Stupid, right? Remember those emotions? I’m stressed. I have been at my job for 30 years. That’s over half my life. I’m burnt out by the environment. I don’t mind the work. I LIKE to work. I need a change. What’s the saying?
“We regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do.”
I have been actively working towards this over the last few months, getting rid of things I don’t need (easy when you’re a minimalist at heart) and buying things I need for the van. I’ve gotten most things out of my house and had a visit from my realtor. The emotional part of this is that I have confided in a very few select people to keep my secret. It’s a big thing to keep quiet and that’s scary. What if my employer finds out?
I need to find a new career. One that can support me and my dogs. That’s enormously stressful. I have not had an updated resume in, well, I think I had to write one in college. Don’t be me. Keep your resume up to date so you don’t have to start from scratch and then have a good friend basically rewrite it for you. Thank God for good friends. I know getting that job is probably the thing that will relieve my stress the most.
I am through with shoveling snow in the winter and mowing grass in the summer. I want to see so many things here in the United States that I will never get a chance to see if I stay, stagnant, at my current job. I want to see the Pacific Northwest, Arizona Sunsets, the Atlantic Ocean, Fall leaf change in the Northeast. There are so many things to see and places to explore in this country. I don’t want to regret not taking a chance. I am excited to visit places I’ve never been.
I am sad to leave my friends and a nice city that I’ve been living in for most of my life. But, I can always come back to visit. And I will. Change can be scary and sad and exiting all at the same time. I am excited one minute and in tears the next.
Until then… one thing at a time and breathe…
It. Will. Be. Ok.